Life is a freaking popularity contest!

Life is a fucking popularity/beauty contest and I’m never fucking going to win.
I’m never popular or pretty enough… ever!

Just when I need a friend… I need someone to get me out of this mess. You’re not here. I’m learning time and time again that I can’t depend on you. No one cares. No one wants me.
Why the fuck can’t something good happen to me for once?
I just need something good to happen… I don’t want to be in this sobbing miserable ball… I’m so fucking tired of everything. I need to get away.
My mom can’t even comfort me…

Around 8 p.m., on Facebook’s instant messenger service, I said to Steve: “I need to ask you a question and I need an honest answer, do you think I'm respectable?”
Steve replied, “Of course.”
So then I asked, “Do you think I'm friendly?”
Steve said, “Definitely.”
With this two answers in mind, I explained to him that these may seem like weird questions, that these are the reasons Kim turned me down for the manager role. She told me the guards wouldn't respect me and no one knows me.
Steve told me, “Wow. I've never heard anyone say that.”
I told him that I’m really hurt and insulted by those reasons, especially since she told me to work on it over the summer.
Steve agreed, “Yeah that’s pretty personal.”
I went on to say that I wanted outside opinions because I don't know how much I could really change.
John and Trent got the jobs, and I understand that, but her reasoning feels like she punched me in the gut.
The conversation concluded with my internet going down and me ten minutes later getting back on to see Steve said, “I don't think those are fair reasons. Yeah, I don't blame you. I will tell you that none of the managers feel that way.”

I texted a few coworkers I’m close with:
>Paulie: You have the right to be angry, you’ve been there a while now, sounds like a bs reason.
>Trent: Yea, but people have different definitions of that word. Yea, I dunno but thanks
>Tsai: //Sad face// We’ll talk about it tomorrow. I respect you.
>Anna: …Whaaat?? That sucks! I’d be pissed too! I bet its just cause you’re short //sad face// that’s awful.
>Phil: Really?! That’s insane. I’m sorry. That sucks. Who said that to you?
I’m sorry amy. That really sucks. You would have been a good supervisor. I wish I could offer you that kind of money to come work for me.
Don’t laugh at me, I’m serious. You are a good worker! I know. I can’t believe their reason
>B Walt: That is ridiculous

I wan to quit in protest, but I’m making $11.23 an hour. I couldn’t make that anywhere else…
Susan Cody is now working at Caribou Coffee in Dublin.

After work, feeling incredibly miserable, I felt like I needed to escape. I still feel like I need to get out of my house and away from my life.
At 5:40 pm, I sent Ben a text, “Hey, dude, I really need to get out for a while away from my family, want to do something?”
Ben (March 24, 8:14 pm): Hey tonight might be so good. Maybe we can catch a move sometime soon though?
Ben (9:00 pm): Thanks Ames. I will for sure make time to see you. Look and see what’s playing and give me a couple choices.

Count Carpet Burns came over and stayed for four hours. “Could we chill at your place? Maybe like alone for some part just to avoid the awkward little moments like parents and protectiveness.”
We watched American Gangster and something else… It probably says something that I don’t remember the first movie. Or that I’m sick and can’t remember shit.
It’s so strange. This guy, who literally broke up with his girlfriend, again, hours before coming over to my place, could make me feel completely comfortable. He cheat on his girlfriend with me. I shouldn’t trust him. I didn’t, but in no time we were close again. I know most of our chemistry is sexual but him letting me rest in his lap why he stroked my hair. It was so comfortable. The whole thing felt right. I don’t know about him though. We have something, but who knows what that something is.
CCB - 3:31 am: It was great seeing you tonight